do the collapse

2003-09-30T20:56:00.000-04:00

I have just moved into a studio apartment with my boyfriend. I have a thankless job and he is a graduate student = we are broke.

This is our needs and wants list. In case somebody's feeling inordinately magnanimous. We will bake you cookies, design your future homes, edit your up-and-coming novels in return.

The Studio-Warming

Linens -N- Things

Target

2003-07-07T16:29:00.000-04:00

I hate Diaryland and its stupid, capricious servers, because they won't let me post right now.

Anyway--

I knew there was a reason why I've been so completely taken by Columbia, to the exclusion of all other universities worldwide. I was just checking out the English department course list, and who should I find teaching Intro. to Poetry Writing but Saskia Hamilton?

Witness:

http://www.columbia.edu/cu/bulletin/uwb/

Sigh. Kenyon must have been kind of a one-year fluke for her, or maybe a whim; the College on the Hill after all, the birth of the New Criticism, John Crowe Ransom and Robert Lowell and all the dreamy, poetic academe-fancy one can stomach in the comfort of her NYC loft. Or whatever, what do I know.

Stop, New York, stop doing this to me, I can't right now, I can't.

2003-06-11T18:41:00.000-04:00

I'm seeking out the familiar comfort of Sebadoh to match this wave of melancholy that's knocked the wind out of me. Mikey would understand. Did understand. But of course, we tend to rhapsodize about and think for the dead. Shitty thoughts, because he never brings me flowers, and he didn't call. You know? And great loves are just a little bit greater than that. So I feel some cloudy shade of cheated. And I need something that kicks ass a little more angrily. Maybe Fugazi. I haven't been getting enough music therapy lately, that's what.

2002-11-13T16:31:00.001-05:00

http://www.miami.com/mld/streetmiami/4460316.htm

2002-11-13T16:31:00.000-05:00

Tom Dowd dies

2002-10-23T23:35:00.000-04:00

This really saddens me: The demise of Elephant 6.

2002-06-03T03:45:00.000-04:00

Are you compatible?

Some interesting questions.

2002-01-28T06:20:00.000-05:00

Ok. It happened. I found it. The best online quiz ever made. Many gratuitous digs at Elton John, too. I laughed, I cried (from the effort), I laughed some more.

Take the Which Beatle Are You? Quiz.

I'm a cocky bastard and I love it!

2002-01-20T18:12:00.000-05:00

Before they show you your quiz results, they ask you which country you think you'll get. I guessed France and I got France. Whatever that means. Laissez les bons temps rouler, bébé!

take the "which country are you?" quiz here. by littlelamb.

2002-01-20T02:37:00.000-05:00

Here begins a love affair with all things Dave Eggers.

This afternoon I crawled into bed feeling lousy and started A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius proper (after reading the acknowledgements days earlier) and couldn't stop. Until hours later, anyway. I didn't notice the time until Dad logged on to his Spanish radio station and blasted it throughout the house from the living room computer. (I think I like living room better as two, unhyphenated words. Yep.)

Now I'm delaying going back to bed and picking up the book again. I don't want it to end too fast.

Also thinking seriously about investing $25 + s&h on issue number six of McSweeney's, the one with Saskia's essay on Robert Lowell's letters. Actually the decision is made, I just have to check on the old bank account, see what's going on in there.

He looks nothing like his jacket photo. Younger. Cheekier. More vulnerable.

Anyway. Enough confessions for one night. It's Sebadoh, doing this to me.

2002-01-19T04:18:00.000-05:00

I've been listening to a lot of Sebadoh.
And have resolved to clean my room tomorrow.
And am all sorts of contemplative.
Which must mean I'm melancholy as hell.
And that's about it, I guess.

Atom was great. But indie shows make me sad these days, for silly reasons. Ah well.

2002-01-19T04:10:00.000-05:00

Which David Lynch character are you most like?

2002-01-19T03:13:00.000-05:00

Take the Which Radiohead Album are you? Quiz.

2002-01-14T19:21:00.000-05:00

I'm having problems communicating with the Diaryland. Every time I'm presented with my teeny-tiny blank text box, ready to be filled with whatever Diarylands are filled with, I feel like I'm stepping up to a podium to improv some crappy poem, like I'm putting on a performance, and one that ain't too convincing or too good. So I just end up writing e-mails or reading other people's pages instead. Or reading a book. Or going to bed.

I feel like there's a distant audience sitting somewhere in the rafters, out of my line of sight, but there nonetheless. And there sort of is, even if it's just made up of a handful of websurfing friends and random Google searchers. But I can't really bring it into focus so I guess it makes me uneasy that I don't know who I'm writing to and that's why I fall smack down on the dodgy and elusive backup. I don't know. Maybe I've been lame all along. Heh.

But in here I'm fine with writing (probably because nobody reads this except for me and maybe Dawgus. Hi Dawgus!). So that's good.

I am sick and tired of work. Today is day five-in-a-row out of six. Wednesday finally I have the day off, then I work Thursday, and then I have the whole weekend off. Hooray! And Atom and His Package is playing on Friday at Life, and Ed's band is opening, and I hope I hope I hope I'll be able to go. I want to see if Vic is going, though I don't want him to think I just call him when I need rides. But we are busy kids and sometimes a reason is needed to reconvene.

I want Chicagoboy to get to show his paintings. I'm working on it.

I also have to work on the top 5's or 10's of 2002 (the inevitable year-end lists that is) and the new year's resolutions, which I resolved not to resolve, but am now resolving otherwise.

I miss getting packages. I'm spoiled, I've been getting quite a few. But Sean Na Na / Har Mar Superstar goodies are coming in the mail soon, and that is exciting. Check out this website if you haven't already: that's where I finagled my proud proto-ownership of the Sean Tillmann paraphernalia.

Now I'm going to have a smoke or two, work a bit on Miss Molly's mixtape, which is the best I've done in a long time I think (because I'm breaking out of most of my usual mixtape standards), then take a shower and a bubble bath and read my Anthony Bourdain and chuckle. Then spaghetti and milanesa with the parents and Ally McBeal rerun. Then bed, and work, and then, finally, respite.

Anybody want to trade books? Or things they've written? Or anything else interesting + mailable? I'm game, just let me know.

2002-01-14T02:25:00.000-05:00

I am a Breakout Bat.

I am an abstract sort of creature, who dislikes any sort of restraint. If you try to pigeonhole me, I'll break the box, and come back for more. I don't have any particular ambitions, I just drift, but I am adept at keeping life going along. What Video Game Character Are You?

Interesting. Possibly true.

And if I weren't a Breakout Bat, I'd be an Asteroid, which is not as well-received a description.

2002-01-09T04:37:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure whether to laugh or gag, or possibly both. Maybe I will go listen to Joy Division instead.

Waste 5 minutes of your life with
the QuasiGoth Dead Person Test!

2002-01-09T03:59:00.000-05:00

0% - 10% (Britney)

Oh dear, oh dear.
Far from being a world destroying DeathKiddy, you appear to enjoy kittens, bunnies and boybands.
Not a cloud enters your sky and all is sweetness and light for you.
Fucker.

Take the DeathKiddy Test!

2002-01-09T03:45:00.000-05:00

Which Internal Organ are you? Find out at willaston's lounge!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Ok, these online tests have to stop.

2002-01-09T03:39:00.000-05:00

Take the Corporate Mascot Test at Willaston's Lounge!

2002-01-09T03:34:00.000-05:00

You're Peewee's Big Adventure!

2002-01-09T03:19:00.000-05:00

I am most definitely not a neat freak, but the part about the eggs is true, terribly true . . .

If I were a Dead Russian Composer, I would be Igor Stravinsky.

Known as a true son of the new 20th Century, my music started out melodic and folky but slowly got more dissonant and bizzare as I aged. I am a traveler and a neat freak, and very much hated those rotten eggs thrown at me after the premiere of "The Rite of Spring."

Who would you be? Dead Russian Composer Personality Test

2002-01-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

You're just a girl; you tend to get frustrated easily, you daydream quite a bit, and you try to avoid making trouble, though curiosity always gets the better of you. Even under tight circumstances, however, you put aside (some of) your fear and figure out what's the best thing to do. You want a better understanding of your world.

2002-01-04T14:02:00.000-05:00

So with all these artsy-fartsy quiz results, why aren't I actually producing anything? Maybe I should make New Years' resolutions after all.

2002-01-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

2002-01-04T13:45:00.000-05:00

Which David Bowie are you?

2002-01-01T04:47:00.000-05:00

Take the Radiohead Collective Member Test.

2001-12-04T05:20:00.000-05:00

Interactive holiday links:

Secret Santa: You'll be paired up with another participant, and exchange gifts based on your amazon.com wishlists. Sign up before December 10th.

2001 Holiday Gift Swap: Describe the perfect present (reasonably priced, but at least $10) and get paired with someone else to complete an exchange. Deadline is also December 10th.

I was walking down the hall of my floor to the elevator the other day, leaving the apartment for work, when I caught a whiff of what was unmistakeably mulberry, wafting from somewhere. And wow. Immediate flashback to a Christmas spent around mulberry candles years and years (about seven of them) ago. Amazing how a scent can transport you back so immediately and clearly to an associated scene. So what do you associate with the holidays? For me it's mulberry and pine needles and the traditional Christmas Eve Catalán soup and stew, a chill in the air, and synth-carols bleeping from the ornamental bells or strings of lights of the year. Lovely.

2001-11-24T02:07:00.000-05:00

Seth rocks because he sends me links to the sassiest, most unexpected quiz-taking sites. Like this one. Which just made my day. Witness:

Thom Yorke is my rockstar boyfriend.

Say it with me now: rowr!

2001-11-20T05:35:00.000-05:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I am 45% Metal-Head.

2001-11-20T05:30:00.000-05:00

I am 50% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.

2001-11-20T05:24:00.000-05:00

I am 72% Grunge.

I heart this one.

2001-11-13T04:38:00.000-05:00

So my actual physical age, according to this site, is 28.4 (I'm actually 22.7). Go take the quiz.

I am 43% EMO.

Ok, so when's the lo-fi quiz coming out? I want a perfect hundred, dammit!

2001-11-04T02:54:00.000-05:00

The Color Quiz is SCARY. I don't know if I should be releasing this information, but no one other than Leo's going to read it anyway, so here goes.

Your Existing Situation
Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.

Your Stress Sources
Feels unappreciated and finds the existing situation threatening. Wants personal recognition and the esteem of others to compensate for the lack of like-minded people with whom to ally herself and make herself more secure. Her sensual self-restraint makes it difficult for her to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and merge with another. This disturbs her as she regards such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome; only by not succumbing to them, she feels, can she withstand the difficulties of the situation. Wants to be valued as a desirable associate and admired for her personal qualities.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Demanding and particular in her relations with her partner or those close to her. but careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce her prospects of realizing her hopes and ideas.

Your Desired Objective
Wants to make a favorable impression and be recognized. Needs to feel appreciated and admired. Sensitive and easily hurt if no notice is taken of her or if she is not given adequate acknowledgment

Your Actual Problem
Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This sense of powerlessness, combined with frustration that she cannot control events, subjects her to agitation, irritation, and acute distress. She tries to escape these by stubborn insistence on her own point of view, but the general condition of helplessness renders this often unsuccessful. Is therefore very sensitive to criticism and quick to take offense.

Your Actual Problem #2
Needs to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual, in order to increase her self-esteem and her feeling of personal worth. Resists mediocrity and sets herself high standards.

2001-10-29T19:53:00.000-05:00

Hrm. My real sign appears to be Cancer. Thanks, but I think I'll stick with my elemental Pisces.

2001-10-29T19:34:00.000-05:00

HEE.

My pirate name is Black Anne Kidd.

Witness: Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

2001-10-29T19:16:00.000-05:00

I am Luke Skywalker?

2001-10-29T03:21:00.000-05:00

I love my robot.

I love my robot, I love his namesake movie, and, for better or for worse, I love Ted Hughes.

I think this is the coolest quiz yet.

2001-10-29T01:03:00.000-05:00

I'm updating right now from my Instant Messenger box. No shit. In theory when I press return, this will all be posted to the blog. Hooray for interconnectedness, Blogger applications, and hackers with way way way too much time on their hands. If you want your own BloggerBot, go to http://www.fibiger.org/bloggerbot/.

2001-10-25T20:03:00.000-04:00

The Blog Twinning Project

Add your blog. Vote for its twin. Vote for other twins. I don't know. It's a crazy cyberfamily out there.

2001-10-25T19:45:00.000-04:00

First of all, Backwash is my new favorite website.

And second, I just took an ethical philosophy quiz, which matches your (very roughly outlined) beliefs to philosophers who uphold them, and these were my top scores:

100% Sartre
78% Hume
77% Nietzsche
68% Hobbes
66% Kant

That's me: the eternal pessimist, but with a good sense of the lyrical. Heh.

2001-10-24T12:27:00.000-04:00

You know, I really think I wouldn't mind spending my life as a professional student. I'd get over the stage fright of teaching eventually, the hard way. And I could just immerse myself in libraries and books and lectures and dissertations and the reeling in my head, like freshman year after Professor Sharp's classes, where I would walk to my room and cry because his lecture had been so beautiful and so intense.

I want to go to Trinity and study for the M. Phil. in Anglo-Irish Literature. Even the three terms of study (Michelmas, Hilary, Trinity) have gorgeous names.

And to Oxford to study anything they'll let me study -- I have yet to investigate.

Admissions, though, are daunting as hell, especially for Oxford. Obviously. I have very little to show for myself right now, and who would I get faculty recs from? Kenyon and I: it's a long, complicated story. Maybe I should try writing something and shopping it around before I make any even-higher education decisions.

The British Isles are calling. Can you tell?

2001-10-22T21:22:00.000-04:00

I wonder what Professor Kluge would say about NaNoWriMo. He'd probably scoff a bit, his eyes harden slightly with disappointment. But I think he would say "Whatever gets you writing, kid."

2001-10-22T15:01:00.000-04:00

Possibly The Most Important Emode Quiz of All Time: The Coffee Test

Is a double-shot of dark-ass espresso really this charged?

The Realist

Dark, strong, genuine. Is that you or your coffee? To the casual observer, there's really no difference. How you take your coffee provides people with a small window into your personality. Here's what one might see...

Straightforward and uncomplicated, your coffee-style says that you approach daily tasks and the world at large with realistic expectations and a no-nonsense attitude. You don't sugarcoat things, and you definitely don't beat around the bush. Bells and whistles aren't your style. You take comfort in routine, and you might get a little flustered when big change looms on the horizon. You're reliable and dependable. If someone had to pick an advisor or confidant based solely on his/her coffee preference, you would be at the top of the list. Most likely, you value truth and sincerity above all and lead a reflective life.

2001-10-22T14:30:00.000-04:00

It's quiz day today. I'm on a roll. I'm also a mummy, according to the monster match quiz. Potential to be the life of the party, but needs to get out more. I think that's the most dead-on (pun intended -- hee) assessment I've gotten from an online quiz ever. Spooooky!

2001-10-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

Good lord! I just took the career makeover quiz on Emode, and it turns out my latent vocation is . . . architecture. Which rocks as far as the planning out and problem-solving and drawing, but what's up with the math? I am so not mathematically inclined.

And get this: other likely careers: psychologist, lawyer, market researcher, military strategist (wtf?), PR strategist.

I think I'll stick to unemployment and doodling while talking on the phone. Oh well.

2001-10-22T13:02:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's true.

I AM 31% PUNK.

Damnit. I'm gonna go listen to my George Michael records and sulk now.

2001-10-16T03:21:00.000-04:00

"Glad Girls" was nominated for a High Times Doobie Award, in the category of Pot Song of the Year. Tee hee! They didn't end up winning (Afroman did), but it's the thought that counts. And that's all right.

2001-10-14T04:38:00.000-04:00

Something to think about. Maybe.

I fear being chemically altered, aside from glasses of wine and cups of coffee. I want to hold on to the lousy feelings.

-Loudon Wainwright III (father of Rufus), on art and inspiration, in Entertainment Weekly.

2001-10-13T17:42:00.000-04:00

What every American should know about the United Nations

and

U.N., Kofi Annan Win Nobel Peace Prize

2001-10-12T03:50:00.000-04:00

I like this quiz. Based on a hefty number of questions, you're given recommendations of places in the U.S. in which you might like to live, plus little community-report blurbs. It's gotten me started thinking about packing up and getting out again. Of course, there's still the money issue to consider. Sigh.

Ok, so this is how I scored:

Carlisle, Pennsylvania -- The Waterfront Capital
The Rockville Bridge near this Pennsylvania town was built in 1901 and is still the longest stone arch bridge in the world…
Population: 615,000 | Average Home Price: $122,000 | Precipitation: 40" | Snow: 37"
[I'm pretty sure I've never even considered Pennsylvania, period.]

Seattle, Washington -- The Emerald City
The game "Pictionary" was developed by a waiter in this town in 1986…
Population: 2,315,000 | Average Home Price: $193,000 | Precipitation: 35" | Snow: 15"
[Designing board games and waiting tables: sounds pretty damn good to me! Plus ex-members of Some Velvet Sidewalk live in Seattle. Not to mention, you know, all those other bands. Yeah, them.]

Hartford, Connecticut -- The Insurance Capital
This Connecticut city is home to America's oldest State House, oldest public art museum, and oldest continuously published newspaper...
Population: 825,000 | Average Home Price: $155,000 | Precipitation: 41" | Snow: 42"
[No Connecticut, thank you. I'm morally opposed. Case in point: "The Insurance Capital?" Blech.]

Cincinnati, Ohio -- The Queen City
This big Ohio city with the small-town feel is home to baseball's first professional team: the Reds started in 1869…
Population: 1,620,000 | Average Home Price: $132,000 | Precipitation: 39" | Snow: 19"
[The City of Freddie Mercury? Rock! Another distinct possibility.]

Providence, Rhode Island -- New England’s Best Kept Kept Secret
This Rhode Island spot is the home of the award-winning flaming sculpture WaterFire, installed on the three rivers of downtown...
Population: 650,000 | Average Home Price: $128,000 | Precipitation: 48" | Snow: 32"
[Er... I'd need to do a wee bit of research. RI is kinda like Delaware or Wyoming to me -- sort of unreal. Do these states even exist? Ok, now I'm just being obnoxious.]

New Haven, Connecticut -- Home of Yale University
The first hamburger was cooked at Louis' Lunch in this Connecticut spot in 1900...
Population: 523,000 | Average Home Price: $198,000 | Precipitation: 43" | Snow: 30"
[New Haven? I'd rather not be stabbed to death in my sleep, thank you.]

2001-10-11T19:45:00.000-04:00

The best article by far written since September 11. Penned, not surprisingly, by the brilliant English author Martin Amis. Go. Now.

Martin Amis: Fear and Loathing